hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
