Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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