My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
