I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
