Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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