it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ketchup is God's man juice
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
