just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
