two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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