I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's get the cat blown out
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
