im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
