So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
