Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
