Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
