is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
