Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
