OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
