i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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