Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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