nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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