they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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