bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
