I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
