I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
