sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Please, let me fuck your mom
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize