some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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