just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
