I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Come share oat with me in your robe
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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