Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
