there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
