I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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