just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
