i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
