Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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