Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
