You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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