The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
