I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
