They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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