You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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