an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
