You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
