He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
