Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize