On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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