she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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