we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
