You smell like stripper and shame
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
