i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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