He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
