We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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