just tell him i said nine months
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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