pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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