please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
