I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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