when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
