What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
