I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
