Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
