she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.