:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
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You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped