...so i touched it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize