you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol