This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
