guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
