life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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