Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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