So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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