Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
