now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
