take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
